Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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