I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
