Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
