see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
