hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Vodka?
Forever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
