I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
