So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
