When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
