im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
