Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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