I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
