don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize