The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
