Barsexuality is the new black.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
