The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
