The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
