I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
