I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
