Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
