cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
