It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize