I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
