Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
