dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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