i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
