therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
