I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
