Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
