i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
