In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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