After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
