wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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