I'm laying in your front yard are you home
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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