It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
