id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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