Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
