No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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