it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
