it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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