So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
