Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
