so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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