So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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