I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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