"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
