chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
