I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
