JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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