dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
