eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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