Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
