Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
