you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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