Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
