3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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