his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
