mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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