I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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