We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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