So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
