I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
