My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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