My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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