Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
