the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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