I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
