oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
