remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
