people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
