it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
