well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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