How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
