some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
