i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
