it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize