Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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