summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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