proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
