all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
