I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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