Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
