Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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