You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
