New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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