where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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