We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
