we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
