She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Who died my cat blue again?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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