I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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