I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
