After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
