You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
