dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
