its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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