Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
